What’s the distinction between sitting in front of your TV for an hour and sitting in traffic for an extra 60 minutes because of rubber-neckers?  How about allowing your dog to poop on your lawn and having someone else’s dog do it instead?  What’s the difference between waiting two hours at your Doctor’s office and being home for that same amount of time where you can at least get some work done?  The answer is of course, CONTROL.

It would be great if we had a “perfect world” where people would not leave their shopping carts behind our cars because they are too lazy to bring them back to the curb.  It would be nice if other drivers were considerate of our feelings and not rushing to park their cars in the spot we are about to pull into.  If a “perfect world” ever kicked in, we would pay for our medical insurance on a sliding scale based on how well we took care of ourselves; a fifty thousand dollar car would be expected to last longer than 36,000 miles; companies would make products that last longer than one month; and food wouldn’t have so much junk in it. 

The ultimate use of the manipulation process is when you can keep your reactions positive during negative episodes that someone else is creating in your life.  How do I know this?  Because I have spent a lifetime trying to keep negative energy from steaming through my feet and physically lifting me off of the ground while I assemble new strategies to counteract all the injustices people and the world have to offer.  It’s no wonder I am not discolored permanently in purple hues due to holding my breath so very often. 

It’s a day-in, day-out process to keep one’s thoughts positive.  From the moment we get up in the morning till the last flutter of our lashes at night, we are being inundated with negative episodes that we need to untangle and redirect.  And it’s not all big stuff.  I am increasingly amazed at the amount of paper that is wasted and discarded in a week’s time, not to mention the flow of emails, voice mails and phone solicitations.  There are now hours in my week devoted to sorting, and I keep wondering, ‘shouldn’t I be more in control of what is coming through my computer and mailbox?

Sometimes it’s monetary.  I remember finding a discrepancy in information sent by my stock brokerage firm.  After getting transported electronically to five different phone extensions, I finally found someone that could answer my question.  “I have 11,000 shares of stock and now it says I own 12.  There must be a mistake.  Can you rectify this?”  “Well”, she said, “that’s not a mistake.  That company decided to do a reverse split and now you only have 12 shares.”   “You mean” I said, as I swallowed very hard, “I went from owning thousands of dollars to under 10 bucks?”  “Yes!”  She retorted.  “The company thought it was a good move.”  “Yeah”, I said, “but for who?”

Through the years, we learn to succumb to some forms of control because we believe we don’t have the
ability to create change, but is this a good thing?  Sometimes, frustration builds and we completely lose it, transferring anger from one episode into another and making it impossible to handle situations properly.  A significant story from my past comes to mind when I think of frustration causing me to have a lousy attitude.  It was late at night and I was trying to comfort a friend through a devastating migraine, only to be undermined by a barking dog that a neighbor decided she should tie- up right outside my window.  After an hour of hoping the noise and/or the migraine would end, I knocked on her door and asked for relief from the yapping.  She declared she would do it, “when she got the chance”.  

I was already tired, frazzled, and feeling awful for my friend.  Being pissed off at this point was a given.  It was all I could do to stop myself from reaching through the screen door barrier between us and grabbing her by her robe.  Instead, with hand on hip and  pointer finger waving I sternly replied, “Look Lady, I have the law on my side.  Either bring your dog in or I go right home and call the police!”  She finally brought the exhausted dog in the house, but afterward, I felt an awful tug at my heart realizing there had to be a better way to handle the problem then to alienate a neighbor.  I looked objectively at myself after that episode and vowed to discover new ways to extinguish my negative energy, no matter how provoked I might be. 

Sometimes, life feels like a constant battle trying to be positive and reflective while defending yourself against the unrighteous and sometimes, cruel.  But realistically, we have way more control than we think when it comes to turning around negative situations.  The solution is within our grasp and it is called Positive Manipulation™ 

If you think about it, we would all have less to manipulate if everyone were to control what they have control of within their own realm, not allowing anything to spill over into other people’s lives.  If we take responsibility for ourselves and understand the impact that our actions and words have on others, perhaps we wouldn’t be inclined to do what we want to do, but instead, do what we should be doing.  There is a right and a wrong solution to any situation.  Although sometimes it can seem right for one party and not for another, there will always be a symbiotic result if the right energy is applied. 

I try to live by this rule, but I’m also sometimes stuck in the “perfect world” mentality believing others are going to act as I would act.  If I had a dog, I could never allow it to disrupt the neighborhood.  Beyond that, I could never put an innocent creature through any kind of torture.  In my mind, a barking dog is unhappy and it would make me miserable to hear him/her be so miserable.  So the first question I ask myself is, “How could she do that?  I could never allow that to happen!”

In the past, this righteous attitude has gotten me in so much trouble.  Truthfully, there is a bit of “defender of good” energy there, but mostly, it is judgmental.  I have to keep remembering that not everyone is sensitive to the needs of others and prompted to do the “right” thing.  Sometimes people are stuck in their humanness and oblivious to the discomfort they are causing those around them.  They are vulnerable to their own negativity and need help, not judgment, to help them get out of their own way.

The encounter with the neighbor and her barking dog prompted a powerful lesson, which was to redefine my role as “defender of good”.  Instead I should stop defending and just be “right” with the energy I release.  When I stop protecting myself and/or the needs of others and just deal with my own negative emotions, it will immediately change the energy exchange, helping the situation, not making it worse.  If I would have sympathetically walked up to the neighbor’s door and pleaded for peace for my suffering friend instead of demanding she “do the right thing” I probably would have immediately accomplished my goal
and felt good about it later. 

I didn’t need to defend my right for quiet.  The township already did that for me.  What I really needed was the dog to stop and I was more than capable of redirecting my “how can she let this happen!” energy than I originally gave myself credit for.   Instead of seeing that woman as the enemy, I should have seen her very human behavior and compensated for it within myself before I ever knocked on her door.

When we examine the big picture, we begin to see that we can’t always stop the flow of negativity surrounding us, any more than we can stop the flow of mail, but we can determine that it is within our control to stop our own feelings of anger and despair when we encounter it.  The manipulation process is a difficult and sometimes overbearing responsibility, but what is our option:  To allow the more undesirable aspects of the world to get the best of us?  Nah.  I’ll fight when I really need to, but I’d rather suck up to the lady with the barking dog, move the shopping cart myself and wave politely at the guy taking my parking spot.  It’s time to conserve energy for the really big stuff and let the little things just take care of themselves.  an>



Go back to read more Writings



Enter recipient's e-mail:


  Copyright © 2007 Positive Manipulation™  -  All rights reserved.
Web Design by
Oui d'Zine